As much as I hate remembering you. I love hearing your voice. Talking to you. It helps me know I am or can be okay. Or have REALLY moved on. Even though, I will fucking love you til the day I die, I have a life without you. Talking to you, reminiscing the 3 years we were one, I know what we had then was real. We were in love. Even though it was soo hard all the time. For no apparent reason, cause we had eachother. Nothing is worth there not being an us, is what you told me. A part of me wishes I could re-tell that to you. And youll understand. And well try again. I did something awful. I can only half forgive myself for. The fact that you have forgiven me seems unreal. Seems wrong. I dont deserve that. But that only shows how fucking amazing of a person you are. I wish I would have kept all those things I had written during the time I was the Devil. You could have seen my guilt and my shame, but I had to erase it, like I erased you from my life, then. It was unfair to you, and I am sorry. Know, that I am sorry. But, boy. You will always know me better than I know myself, and no matter how awkward it might be now, you will always be in my life. In my head. You will always be the sexiest man alive and what I compare the world to. No one opens my doors anymore, and I miss that. You are fucking awesome. I wish you the best, and thats the truth. I will always fucking love you.
Ive lost the motivation. I gained a friend. Ive gained a relationship. Ive lost the motivation. Have I lost the friend? Have I lost the relationship? Im driving myself nuts, thinking about the past, because the present isnt right. Mini breakdowns, because I cant grasp the concept of time. Fuuuck.
I am 22 years old. For the past 4 years I have created, but mostly destroyed. I have freeloaded & I have mooched. Not until very recently, have I discovered my purpose for life. Feminism & Environmental Issues across the globe. For four years I have thought of ideas and planned my life; from dental assisting to interior design. But never really went anywhere and failed miserably at it. Few months ago, I returned to So California from a 7 month visit in Arkansas where I was dealing with a ton of emotional bullcrap I brought on myself. When I came home, I got a job within a month. I decided that I wanted to start going to the library often and reading about a different subject every week. Subjects such as science [an interest I didnt even know I had]: physiology, biology, ecology, to Feminism, and vague things in between like how a computer works, what dumb political things like globalization means. I have been doing this for a month and a half and already read 8 books. In doing this I had hoped to find something I enjoyed doing or took an interest in. I very quickly found an attraction to feminism.
And this is where I am going with my life. In the next year I plan to move to probbaly San Francisco because they have a Womans Studies program. I want to make a difference. Which may be cliche, but how many people actually go through with it? I want to be the voice behind helping to put an end to sexual trafficking and modern day slavery. I also have taken a liking to science, particularly ecology. I want to find solutions to a decaying environment, I want to assist in the extinction of excess carbon in the air instead of with animals. I want to find a cure for soil erosion in Africa, which is why they cant grow crops and thus live in poverty.
Yeah, I may sound like a nerd, but you know what, Im going places. And I encourage you to do the same. Whatever you like. Do it. And do it big. If you have no idea what you want out of life, it doesnt matter. Explore different subjects and it will come to you. Dont let anyone stop you from pursuing your dreams. Life is short, and we are just a fraction of the Earths age, so use every minute. Knowledge isnt stupid. Being smart doesnt lessen you, doesnt degrade you, doesnt make you look like a two bit nerd. Its empowering. Use that empowerment to better yourself, and the World around you.
What is Feminism?
Its concept is a very vague, simple statement that has been taken to the most broad extremes. Feminism is to put it simply, equal rights and opportunities to women. Basically, were not a slave to men. Our place is not in the kitchen.
Patriarchy is a social system in which the role of the male as the primary authority figure is central to social organization, and where fathers hold authority over women, children, and property. It implies the institutions of male rule and privilege, and is dependent on female subordination.
In Feminism, the “patriarchy” is basically this evil concept where most if not all men suck and oppress women. Some feminists blame pretty much everything on the patriarch and others think that the blame of it is anti-feminist.
Botchodiaverbulism [BDV]; is not a religion, or an anti-religion. Its just a way of life. Find any given 18-22 year old off the streets of Orange County or LA, what are they doing with their life? Going to school. Working a job they hate to pay for school. BDV is Anti Corporate America. Money is not an essential. It is getting outside, exploring and traveling constantly. It is being completely uninhibited. Happiness is the meaning of life and what everyone “should be” doing with theirs. Think of hippies. And you got BDV in a nutshell. Cept lose the LSD and tone it down three notches.
The world is a canvas, paint it with memories.
